Written by Mr. Mouseburger 31st Mar 2006

Kindly submitted by A Alcott
Kindly submitted by Mr Briggs Inc.

Sexy SPECTRE Agent No. 11, Helga Brandt, is ordered by Ernst Stavro Blofeld to kill James Bond. After trapping him on a boat, she convinces Bond that she will defect to his side and that they would fly to London the next day. However, Helga uses her lipstick pepper spray bomb to distract Bond, while she leaves him to die on her Cessna plane. However, with a lame karate chop, Bond frees himself and manages to survive.

The next day, Blofeld is not pleased to discover that Bond is still alive and so calls in Helga Brandt and Mr. Osato to a room his volcano lair. Osato places the blame on Brandt, saying that he ordered Brandt to kill Bond, and in reply, Helga argues that Osato had ample opportunity to do it himself.

At an impasse, Blofeld reminds them both SPECTRE does not tolerate failure Blofeld tells them to go. While Osato walks away, Blofeld makes an executive decision, and presses a small pedal, which collapses the bridge while Brandt is walking over it. She falls into the pond with Blofeld’s piranhas, and dies screaming, as they tear her to the bone. Blofeld reiterates to a stunned Osato "KILL BOND, NOW!", who wisely leaves the room as quickly as possible.