Written by Mr. Mouseburger 31st Mar 2006

Kindly submitted by Kooshmeister
Kindly submitted by grimreaper

Hans is Blofeld's hulking bodyguard in his volcano lair. Blofeld gives Hans the key to Bird 1's self-destruct mechanism and tells him to blow the vessel up once it has completed its mission.

However, during the siege of the lair by Tiger Tanaka's men, Bond's plan of action is to get to the control room and blow up Bird 1 before it can complete its mission. To do so however he must get past Hans, who is very eager to beat the bejesus out of 007. And beat the bejesus out of Bond, he does.

But, Bond does manage to grab the key from Hans' trouser pocket during their fight, and slips away. Hans chases him out onto the short bridge over the pond where Blofeld keeps his pet piranhas. Hans throws a punch, Bond ducks, and grabbing Hans, he uses the bodyguard's own momentum to flip him over his shoulder, off the bridge and into the water. Hans may be supremely tough, but his physique is no match for hundreds of sets of razor sharp teeth, and he is promptly devoured by the piranhas.

Bond, says casually to the piranhas, "Bon appetit!"