Written by Mr. Mouseburger 19th May 2006

Kindly submitted by Kooshmeister

Professor Moriarty is the archenemy of Sherlock Holmes... well, not really. That is what the public at large thinks. What they do not know is that Holmes is actually a blithering idiot, and Dr. John Watson is the real genius. This, in turn, makes Moriarty Watson’s nemesis. In Watson's own words, Moriarty pretty much ignores Holmes, knowing he is an idiot. Nevertheless, it is primarily Holmes who, thanks to a sudden stroke of inexplicable inspiration, discovers the location of Moriarty's hideout in the tunnels beneath the Orpheum Theatre and sets in motion the events that lead to Moriarty's demise.

Moriarty's evil scheme this time around in Holmes and Watson's life was to steal the printing plates for the five-pound note from Her Majesty's Royal Mint, using them to print his own money in a room hidden beneath the theatre which opens out onto the Thames. Following the capture of Watson, Holmes makes his grandly inept entrance into the lair and stands atop stacks of boxes containing the counterfeit money. He pours kerosene from a lamp onto these and threatens to drop a lit match onto them unless Moriarty releases Watson, captive printing supervisor Peter Giles, and Giles' "daughter" Lesley (actually his transvestite son).

Moriarty rightly points out that if Holmes sets fire to the money he'll likely burn to death himself, and even though realizing that the evil mastermind is right, Holmes accidentally drops the match, starting a huge fire that is soon consuming the entire room. An epic fight scene ensues, during which Moriarty's henchmen struggle to douse the flames and save the money... as well as their lives, after Moriarty's assistant Sebastian Moran points out that the heat from the fire could cause the theatre’s gas mains to blow. When the fire gets too out of control, all involved drop what they are doing and flee through the tunnels back up to the theatre proper, with Moriarty and his gang running ahead of Holmes, Watson and their party.

Unfortunately, Baker Street Irregular Wiggins had gone and fetched Scotland Yard, and as Moriarty and his associates run out of the Orpheum, they run right into the middle of Inspector Lestrade and his men. Only Moriarty eludes capture, by running back inside the theatre and locking the door. Moriarty, willing to risk death in an effort to escape rather than stand trial for his crimes, fights his way past the inept swordsman, Holmes, and descends into the tunnels once more. He returns to the room overlooking the Thames and climbs aboard a handy rowboat, planning to row out onto the river before the gas mains blows.

However, it is too late for Moriarty. Even as he readies the boat for departure, he hears a loud creaking, groaning sound and looks up from what he is doing to see the mains beginning to buckle. He lets loose a scream of terror as the mains burst, flooding the room with flammable gas which envelopes Moriarty. Seconds later, a fiery explosion spews out onto the Thames, signalling the end of Holmes-- er, Watson's greatest enemy.