Written by Old Bluffer 2nd Jun 2005

Paris is a minor prince of Troy who falls in love with Helen, a beautiful princess wed to Menalaus, the warrior king of Sparta.
Now Paris' love is the kind of adolescent infatuation that always ends in tears, and Helen really shouldn't have encouraged him.
Inevitably though, she agrees to run away with him back to Troy, giving Menalaus' brother, Agamemnon, all the excuse he needs to raise his armies and lay siege.

OK, Helen is a total babe - but only a besotted schoolboy would duel the King of Sparta *after* he'd already got into her pants!


Brendan Gleeson plays the role of a cuckolded warrior brilliantly. His hatred and contempt for the youthful Paris (Orlando Bloom) is all too apparent and all he wishes is to slaughter him in front of the massed ranks of Troy's army, leaders and above all, Helen.


Team Troy: Hector and Paris.
Team Agamemnon: Menalaus, Odysseus, Agamemnon and some freakishly tall guy who Hector kills later on.


Who will you bet on, the grizzled veteran of Sparta, or the girlish looking princeling?

Paris initially seems brave to agree to the duel, but this is soon shown to be youthful idealism rather than true courage.

Menalaus is thrilled to have the chance to butcher the young upstart who has shamed him throughout the lands of Greece, and immediately discards his shield to show his scorn.
He then starts completely wailing on Paris, smashing his helm from his head, ripping his shield away and cutting him down with a slice to his thigh.



The lesson here is not to mess around with Brendan Gleeson's missus.

Disarmed and with Menalaus' blade at his throat, all Paris can do is die with dignity, as befits his heroic lineage.



It's fair to say the crowd's reaction to Paris' poor performance is mixed.

This he fails to do utterly, and as the Spartan King brings back his sword for the final blow, Paris crawls cravenly away.
Within moments, his humiliation is total, and he is reduced to a pathetic wretch, hugging his brother's leg for protection.


Leave me alone you bully! I'll tell my big brother on you I will!

Menelaus cannot comprehend such behaviour, and screams at Helen "You left me for *this*?!", a sentiment even Hector seems to empathise with, as with embarassment he urges his younger sibling to fight. Cowardly behaviour notwithstanding though, Paris is still family, and Hector is compelled to protect him by slaying Menelaus, even though the act obviously shames him.


That is truly a sword of legend, to be able to penetrate all the way through such a stout king!