Written by Old Bluffer 29th May 2009

(Spoiler alert - this is a new film and well worth the price of a cinema ticket, so if you haven't seen it yet I'd advise you don't read on)

Sophie is blonde, shallow and bitchy. She struts around the school dressed like a slut, sneering at everyone that isn't in the elite clique that she calls her friends. The only girl she defers to is Tasha, and this is reflected in the boys they are (primarily) sleeping with - Tasha is shagging Bradley, the main bully of the school, while Sophie has to make do with Marcus, his second in command.

Together with her cruel and superficial friends, they have pushed Darren Mullet to suicide, but now he's back as a Vengeful Zombie and is well into an orchestrated killing spree.

At the time of her just-desserts, Sophie is in the swimming changing rooms, urging Justine to give her virginity to Alexis (Justine isn't savvy enough to realise she is being played with for later ritual humiliation).

Sophie suddenly realises she's forgotten her watch though, so heads back out to the now deserted swimming pool.  Well, not quite deserted, as Mullet is waiting for her.

She senses rather than sees him at first, and her ego naturally assumes it is just some lame kid "perving at her".

Suddenly though, Darren Mullet looms into full view, and he is an intimidating sight.

It's worth mentioning that up until now, we haven't really seen Mullet in his "back from the dead" guise.  Our patience is about to be rewarded though, as there hasn't ever really been a "Slasher Killer" like this guy in cinema. Asthmatic and obese in life, in death he looks like a cross between Frankenstein's Monster and Mr Creosote.

Put simply, if zombies have Brain-Pie eating contests, my money would be on Darren Mullet to win.

Sophie is naturally terrified and falls into the water, where she thrashes about frantically, not daring to risk getting out.

Mullet is prepared to get wet in order to mete out punishment to the bullying cow, and appears at the pool's edge.  Brilliantly, he puts on a pair of swimming goggles, presumably so the chlorine doesn't sting his zombie eyes!

Eyes protected, he leaps in, and we cut to an underwater vantage point.  The leggy, well proportioned blonde is pinned underwater by the gargantuan frame of the Mullet-Zombie.  Unlike other, more active, Movie Serial Killers, Mullet prefers a more sedentary style of murder where possible - so he merely sits on the girl and waits for nature to take its course. 

Trapped, all Sophie can do is silently scream as she drowns beneath his ample buttocks.

Old Bluffer's Thoughts

What makes this killing memorable is quite frankly the swimming goggles on Mullet!