Written by Old Bluffer 2nd Jun 2009
(Spoiler alert - this is a new film and well worth the price of cinema ticket, so if you haven't seen it yet I'd advise you don't read on)
There aren't too many bullies left by this point, but Bradley is still alive and he is undoubtedly the ring leader of the group that persecuted Darren Mullet before he hung himself.
For all his smug, arrogant posturing, when it comes down to it Bradley is, like most bullies, a complete coward. He knows several of his gang have been murdered in freakish circumstances, and realises that his turn can't be far away. In partial denial, he drives his hot, slutty girlfriend, Tasha, to the cemetary, where he starts trying to dig up Mullet's coffin, to try and prove the cadaver is where it is supposed to be.
This is of course the second desecration of Mullet's final resting place, as Jez already sullied it with a stream of hot urine.
Digging is hard work though, and after making a sizeable hole it all becomes too much for him, and he starts to have a babyish tantrum in his car.
Tasha is made of sterner stuff than her fella, and seems well used to these displays of weakness. She knows exactly what will take his mind off his impending death - she has a sizeable hole all of her own and it's seen more action than a John Woo movie.
Sure enough, Bradley is soon coaxed into some uncomfortable teen-car-sex, and is well into the swing of things when Mullet makes his appearance. Up until now, the randy couple have been practising safe sex, as we see a condom being opened, but once the Homicidal Zombie Pudge-Meister appears, the nookie becomes rather less than safe.
Now, things get rather confused at this point (or to my mind they do at any rate). Bradley gets forcibly removed from the car (and from Tasha for that matter), and dies screaming shortly afterwards. The exact manner of his expiration isn't clear though.
My current theory is that Mullet actually grabs his old tormentor by his tadger, and rips it off at the root. This is shown to be more plausible the next day, when a police woman at the crime scene reports she's found a "full condom".
"At least he got his rocks off", says the inspector, philosophically.
"Er, no, I mean it's *full*", says she, showing him the extirpated member in its latex shroud.
Old Bluffer's Thoughts
I should stress, the above is just one of several ways Bradley could have died. Mullet is later shown to be wielding a shovel, so it's possible Bradley was hacked to death (cock and all) with it. I do hope it was forcibly ripped off though, as Bradley definitely deserved the nastiest method of being unmanned.
This leads me to note that I nearly awarded this death the mark of shame that is our "Unsatisfying" category. The reason is that Bradley is one of the main "villains" of the film and his death is over within a few seconds. This is always a bit disappointing, and I would have liked him to have suffered a bit longer. It would have also been nice for him to see Tasha looking at him in revulsion while he bled to death. Having said that, having the "meat" from your "two veg" ripped off while you're on the job is pretty damn traumatic, so I'll give the scene the benefit of the doubt - at least until my theory is shot down in flames by someone more observant than me.
Getting a bit more arty-farty about Bradley
I've flagged Bradley as being a Major Baddy in our database, which he undoubtedly is from a purely physical leadership point of view. However, it's more than possible that Mullet doesn't hate him with as much vehemence as he does other characters who are, on the face of it, less culpable than Bradley.
After all, as Justine says "At least Bradley is honest about what he is." - whereas the less obviously hateful characters have far more power to truly hurt Mullet. This can also be inferred from the manner of the various killings - the truly nasty ones tend to be reserved for the people who wound Mullet the most*, and he also seems to leave these people further down his hit list. This would explain the relative indifference with which Bradley is murdered and his middling position in the death toll, rather than being last as you might expect.
* OK, Marcus' death is quite drawn out, but I'd argue that Mullet hadn't anticipated that his victim would fight back quite so effectively.