Written by Mr. Mouseburger 20th Dec 2005
Kindly suggested by A Concerned Citizen
Jar Jar Binks, perhaps the most annoying character in the whole history of existence, should have been killed a number of times throughout the movie, each with an increasingly sadistic streak and duration.
Despite the feedback from his focus groups, Lucas persisted in including Binks in every scene that could have been vaguely exciting, thus turning the whole film into a teeth gnashingly annoying experience.
Binks should have been killed by all of the categories available on the site, and more!
Lucas' only saving grace is that he realised how much the audience hated Binks so much, that he only makes token appearances in the other two films.
Addendum by Old Bluffer
I wholeheartedly agree that Jar-Jar Binks deserves to have died. The only question is in which scene would his death be most suited to? Ideally it needs to have maximum entertainment value and absolutely no benefit to any other character. He needs to die in vain, not be martyred.
I suggest the scene where Jar-Jar gets his arm caught in Anakin's pod-racer engine and numbs his tongue at the same time so he can't call for help. This is crying out for a digitally remastered Director's Cut where the engine fires up and Jar'Jar's spindly arm is ripped from his body, followed by a prolonged and painful death by massive blood loss.
This would...
- teach children not to f*** about with heavy machinery
- appease all Star Wars fans over the age of ten
- serve to illustrate what a useless twonk Binks really is
As a nice homage to the superior Star Wars films, the Mos Eisley "Cantina Band" music would be a suitably upbeat tune to be played in time to Jar-Jar's death throes.
"Meesa need urgent medical attention!"
OB
Personally, I thought we were going to get what we wanted in Revenge of the Sith. In Attack of the Clones, Jar Jar is the one who suggests voting more power to Palpatine, paving the way for the evil Emperor's rise to power. Therefore, it would have made perfect sense for a gang of enraged citizens to lynch him at the end of Episode III, which would also have been in keeping with that movie's ultra-dark tone. But no, we were disappointed once again. What a senseless waste.
Expecting anything you want to happen to actually happen in a Star Wars movie is like voting. You never get what you expect, but you can always count on it being disappointing.
I personally never found Jar Jar to be that annoying, but I did find the lack of scenes with Darth Maul to be ten times more so, simply because DM was the greatest sith of all time. Screw Darth Vader. Darth Maul was the man. I'd say that in the interest of fairness, Binks should have had the number of scenes Maul had, and vice versa. The entire trilogy would have been better if this was the case.
Whenever I see a character die a nasty death in a movie, often I pretend it's actually Jar Jar Binks who gets offed. For example, when the Jesuit gets tossed over the waterfall in "The Mission" I imagine a certain annoying Gungan in his place.
Personally I never had a problem with Jar Jar and therefore I've never been able to really fathom the hatred against him. I mean, I understand if people think a character is annoying, but annoying enough to wish death upon him? Really, Jar Jar never did anything deserving of death...
There is no good way to kill jar-jar in this kind of film, he was mainly comic-relief for God's sake! Probably a fanservice for the children!
>Personally I never had a problem with Jar Jar and therefore I've never been able to
>really fathom the hatred against him. I mean, I understand if people think a
>character is annoying, but annoying enough to wish death upon him? Really, Jar Jar
>never did anything deserving of death...
I find Jar-Jar an annoying character, but that isn't my main problem. It's the cynical way he was shoe-horned by Lucas into the film in order to appeal to young children (and sell an extra 2 squillion units or merchandise to that demographic as a result).
So for me, the film was made tangibly worse by his presence, but that isn't as big a shame as it sounds, as the film is bad anyway.
Exactly what's bad about it? I consider Attack of the Clones to be a far worse film, so worse that Revenge of the Sith actually suffers because of it (i.e., AOTC spent too much time on stuff that wouldn't matter in the long-run, forcing ROTS to pick up the slack, to the detriment of its own plot). TPM is the only one of the prequels that has a real story to it, and is also the only one I was able to watch and go "This is Star Wars."
[quote=Kooshmeister]Exactly what's bad about it?[/quote]Well, off the top of my head and in no particular order (and ignoring Jar-Jar):
- I find young Annakin to be annoying, which is a major problem as he features heavily in it.
- I dislike the Jamaican and Chinese accents for two of the alien races. It seems lazy and harms my suspension of disbelief.
- the Pod Race scene goes on far too long and just seems like an extended advert for a Playstation game.
- the script is very poor. I've just checked on IMDB to see if I've overlooked any memorable quotes, and no, the lines really are dire. Check for yourself : [www.imdb.com]
What makes this even worse is that the original trilogy really did have some great dialogue.
- all of the various attempts to explain later jedi history and characters just ended up infuriating me (Annakin builds C3PO, midichlorians etc).
- I found it completely implausible that Qui Jon didn't liberate Annakin's mum as well. Obviously to retain continuity she couldn't go, but the reason given was lame.
- the scenes where "Annie" gets involved in a pitched space ship battle lacked any kind of dramatic tension whatsoever, and were therefore pointless.
- the battle droids are rubbish. They lack any form of menace or personality.
- too many "comic" scenes featuring Jar-Jar (OK, I failed to forget him)
If I watched the film again, I reckon I could easily double the length of that list, but that is what I remember for now.
I'm actually amazed that any fan of the original trilogy could have found much to enjoy in "Phantom". In my opinion it is without a doubt the weakest, most cynical and most immature of the six films.
I will say one thing for it though, John Williams' score is wonderful, possibly one of the best in the history of cinema (and I honestly don't say that lightly).
-It's Anakin with only two Ns. And yeah, Jake Lloyd sucks.
-And yet nobody has a problem with the British accents for the Imperial characters in the Original Trilogy. And incidentally, the Neimoidian characters' accents (they're the Trade Federation guys) are supposed to sound European, I'm told, specifically Transylvanian. I won't argue with the Jamaican-sounding accent for the Gungans though.
-This is a matter of opinion. I happen to like quite a bit of the dialogue.
-Anakin building Threepio is kind of lame, but I don't get the hatred of midichlorians. We know from the Original Trilogy that the ability to wield the Force is a genetic trait (i.e., Anakin/Vader's children have it specifically because they're his kids), so the midichlorians are just the genetic thingie-ma-bobs that determine whether one can use the Force or not. I admit that this is an attempt to ground the Force a little more scientifically (in a sci-fi sense anyway) and it de-mystifies the Force a bit, but is it really that bad?
-What was he supposed to do? Kill Watto? Slavery is legal on Tatooine. If Watto doesn't want to give Shmi up, then Shmi remains his slave. Besides, Watto isn't a cruel master, so Shmi is fine... at least until Attack of the Clones when she's killed by Sandpeople, but that was after Shmi had been freed so we can't blame Watto for that.
-This is true. The space battle was pretty lacking.
-They're even worse in Revenge of the Sith where they have goofy cartoonish voices. In The Phantom Menace, the humor with them is really only confined to the one in the hangar being confused when Qui-Gon talks to him.
-Comedy is subjective. Just because you don't find Jar Jar funny doesn't mean other people don't.
Of course my points are subjective, which is why I used the words "in my opinion". I'm not sure what movie critics you know of that manage to avoid subjectivity when reviewing a film...
If you don't see the difference between native English speakers speaking their language and parodies of "foreigners" speaking English in a comedy accent, then we'll just have to agree to disagree. Compared to the rest of the film's weaknesses the accents are a fairly minor annoyance anyway.
However, those aliens were clearly speaking in a mock "Asian" accent, they sounded like Mojo Jojo from the Powerpuff Girls!
The midichlorian backlash is easy to understand. If you set up a space opera with certain rules, then introducing some very poor biological explanation for superpowers spoils the sense of illusion again. Isolating the exact properties in the blood that makes a Jedi special in a society that has incredibly advanced cloning technology simply raises the obvious question - why can't they just genetically engineer Super Jedi? Leaving the Force as a mystical life energy that couldn't be explained in simple terms would have been fine.
The "slavery is legal there" argument is pretty weak too. Again, it just seemed a lazy way of enforcing the plot. In a nutshell, it made Qui Jon look like a tightfisted arsehole. You can't help but think "*surely* this jedi can think of some way of taking the mother too?" So when he doesn't, the conclusion has to be that he simply isn't all that bothered.
Regarding comedy, I don't go and see a Star Wars film for the humour value, so having "poo" jokes forced on me is going to irritate. Conversely, if I go and see "Dude, Where's My Car?", and fail to find it funny, you won't find me moaning about it, as it is pretty clear I should have expected that kind of film. (just an example, I'm not saying the humour was the same, as "Dude" is obviously a little more subtle and sophisticated).
Anyway, you've already agreed with me on enough points that I think we can conclude that the film has its fair share of flaws. Our only difference is that you still managed to enjoy it whereas I felt like someone who paid for a full body massage with Happy Ending but was given a Baby-in-Pram Humiliation Special instead.
Neimoidian stock image taken from StarWarsOtaku.Com
[quote old bluffer]However, those aliens were clearly speaking in a mock "Asian" accent, they sounded like Mojo Jojo from the Powerpuff Girls![/quote]Well, they apparently learned their lesson there, since the new Neimoidians introduced in the other two movies, Gilramos Libkath in Attack of the Clones (the other Neimoidian on Geonosis) and Lushros Dofine in Revenge of the Sith (the captain of Grievous' flagship), both lack that accent. Libkath in particular has this really unnerving, deep bass voice, while Lushros sounds like a wheezy old man.
And yes, I do take pride in knowing all the Neimoidians' names. Hokey accents or not I think they're the most interesting alien race in the prequels, particularly due to their interesting choice in wardrobe.
[quote old bluffer]Isolating the exact properties in the blood that makes a Jedi special in a society that has incredibly advanced cloning technology simply raises the obvious question - why can't they just genetically engineer Super Jedi? Leaving the Force as a mystical life energy that couldn't be explained in simple terms would have been fine.[/quote]That's a good point, but one could also argue that the midichlorians don't determine a person's "Force sense" but rather are just a genetic sign of high Force ability. Anyway it's obvious they only introduced the concept of midichlorians, for better or for worse, as a way for Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan to very quickly discover Anakin's Force aptitude. I do kind of think it would've been a lot easier to just have Anakin levitate something a little bit to tip them off about his Jedi potential, but for whatever reasons Lucas didn't see it that way.
Then again that's not surprising. We're talking about the same man who took a tense little drama where two professionals confront one another in a bar and the better man comes out on top, and turned it into a joke where one guy looks slow and the other guy looks dumb for being unable to hit someone sitting less than two feet away from him.
[quote old bluffer]Anyway, you've already agreed with me on enough points that I think we can conclude that the film has its fair share of flaws. Our only difference is that you still managed to enjoy it whereas I felt like someone who paid for a full body massage with Happy Ending but was given a Baby-in-Pram Humiliation Special instead.[/quote]Well, that's what makes me different than most viewers, I guess. I find enough worthwhile in a film for my own reasons and I'm able to overlook the other flaws. At least, for all its slipups, The Phantom Menace isn't overlong, convoluted, and confusing like the latter two prequel films. I really don't understand why fans dislike it the most of the prequels when it at least isn't a bloated, soulless excuse for Lucas to trot out the visual effects. That's one of the main reasons I like Phantom Menace. It has restraint. Granted, this did lead to some lackluster action sequences, but my point is it didn't have as many "Oh isn't this awesome??!?!" bits like the air-vehicle chase in Clones and the laughably overdone lightsaber battle at the end of Revenge.
Then again I prefer the 1976 King Kong, which has earned the dubious title of most-hated remake in history, to the recent 2005 film, so what do I know?
[quote=Kooshmeister]Then again I prefer the 1976 King Kong, which has earned the dubious title of most-hated remake in history, to the recent 2005 film, so what do I know?[/quote]I prefer it to both other versions, Kong looked neither like a video game nor a cartoon piece of jerky
oh by the way...
[quote old bluffer]
The "slavery is legal there" argument is pretty weak too. Again, it just seemed a lazy way of enforcing the plot. In a nutshell, it made Qui Jon look like a tightfisted arsehole. You can't help but think "*surely* this jedi can think of some way of taking the mother too?" So when he doesn't, the conclusion has to be that he simply isn't all that bothered.[/quote]It's not just that slavery is legal: Qui-Gon can't buy her if he doesn't have Tattooine legal tender. And even if he could have freed her, he would have had to separate Shmi from Anakin anyway, because attachment to family is forbidden for the Jedi. I don't think this makes Qui-Gon a tightarse.
As for Jar Jar, yes I found him annoying, but I can't say I didn't enjoy the slapstick, which wasn't completely out of place for a Star Wars movie.
i agree with the fact that qui gon didn't take Shmi because Anakin was supposed to have no connections. they're usually sepperated from their family soon after they're born to ensure that they haven't established any emotional bonds with their family. that's why Anakin has so many problems as a jedi, to much emotional ties.
That, and I got the distinct feeling Obi-Wan, despite being an excellent Jedi, was a poor teacher. At least at first. He himself had only just gotten done being an apprentice himself, and he immediately takes on an apprentice of his own. One who is too old with too many emotional issues (lots of repressed anger about his life as a slave, disliking having to leave his mother behind).
Obi-Wan didn't agree with Qui-Gon about Anakin at first. He agreed with the council. But after Anakin's training became Qui-Gon's last dying wish, Obi-Wan could not refuse his friend. However I think his heart was never fully in training Anakin because of his initial (and likely present up until just before Episode III) second guesses about whether Anakin really is the Chosen One. He even admits on Mustafar that he failed Anakin as a teacher.
By the time of Episode IV however, Obi-Wan had realized his mistakes with Anakin and thus took a different approach to Luke, acting more like Qui-Gon would have, as an emotionally supportive and encouraging father-figure, rather than the strict, constantly condescending one he tended to be while training Anakin. It makes for a great character arc if intentional.
[quote Kooshmeister]
[quote old bluffer]Isolating the exact properties in the blood that makes a Jedi special in a society that has incredibly advanced cloning technology simply raises the obvious question - why can't they just genetically engineer Super Jedi? Leaving the Force as a mystical life energy that couldn't be explained in simple terms would have been fine.[/quote]That's a good point, but one could also argue that the midichlorians don't determine a person's "Force sense" but rather are just a genetic sign of high Force ability. Anyway it's obvious they only introduced the concept of midichlorians, for better or for worse, as a way for Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan to very quickly discover Anakin's Force aptitude. I do kind of think it would've been a lot easier to just have Anakin levitate something a little bit to tip them off about his Jedi potential, but for whatever reasons Lucas didn't see it that way.[/quote]I think part of the reason for introducing the midichlorian count was to determine that Anakin had more untapped potential than Yoda, as Obi-Wan says when he scans the blood sample. Just him levitating something wouldn't have done that.
Midichlorians aren't just an indicator of force ability, Qui-Gon says that they are symbiotic life forms that live in our cells and communicate with the force, so it is because of them that we have any power over the force.
As for the question about genetically engineering super Jedi, probably for the same reason that, in Star Trek, genetic engineering was banned following the Eugenics Wars.
if u ppl actually watched the first Star Wars episode... after the originals of course, then you will notice that Jar Jar diesn't die. He was saved by Anakin in blowing up the droid control ship. He was then present at Qui Gon Jinn's funeral, and then at the presentation ceremony, where he lead the Gungan boss up to the podium where Anakin, Padme and everyone was standing. He also made appearances in Episode 2. I wish he could've made a brief appearance in Ep. III but unfortunately out fave gungun didn't make it.
what a shame!!
Saying this is probably like a stab to my stomach but...
You do know that there is a 'sex' category, right?
Anonymous User Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Binks should have been killed by all of the
> categories available on the site, and more!
>
> Saying this is probably like a stab to my stomach
> but...
>
> You do know that there is a 'sex' category, right?
Well we do have a "Teeth" writeup now