Written by Mr. Mouseburger 11th Jan 2007
Kindly submitted by Servo
Following a vicious battle with the Reman warship, Scimitar, the Enterprise-E is badly damaged; She has used up all her torpedoes, sustained major structural damage by ramming the Scimitar, her auto-destruct system is off line and, one would hazard a guess, her holodeck has malfunctioned, causing holograms of history's worst tyrants to become real and terrorise the crew* (again!).
The Scimitar is also badly damaged, but Shinzon - a clone of Jean-Luc Picard - is still determined to go to Earth and unleash the Reman weapon upon the people of Earth, wiping out humankind. Disabled, the Enterprise has no way of destroying the Scimitar now.
Jean-Luc Picard beams over to the Scimitar in order to complete his task of sacrificing himself for the good of his crew and the people of Earth. However, Data decides to board the Scimitar himself by floating across the gulf of space between the two vessels.
Data comes on board to find an exhausted Captain Picard having just killed his evil clone. Data plants a device on Picard that beams him back to the Enterprise. He then fires a phaser and the Reman weapon's core, detonating the ship and killing himself in the process.
Afterwards, Data's colleagues gather to remember their friend. Don't worry though Trek fans, before he died, the scriptwriters managed to introduce Data's identical twin brother, B4, thereby ensuring that the emotive self sacrifice was completely pointless, as everything will revert back to normal come the final credits.
Sure enough Picard tells Data's brother B4 that Data was special, because he sought to improve himself, and that someday (in other words, by the time of the release of the next film) he hopes B4 would understand and fashion himself on Data. As he walks out of the room, some of the memories Data earlier transferred to B4 begin to surface.
* this actually did not happen in the film at all, it is another of Mouseburger's rants!