Written by Old Bluffer 25th May 2007

Kindly written by Mad Movie Mathew Hired by Howard Saint, The Russian is a huge, silent wrecking machine. With bleached blonde hair and a red-and-white striped shirt, you'd be forgiven for thinking he looks like a sailor. However, he can take one hell of a beating, not to mention dish it out. He's played by former WWE wrestler "Big Sexy" Kevin Nash.

Frank Castle, avenging the deaths of his entire family, gets a knock at the door. He opens it to see the Russian in the doorway. He shuts it, but the Russian barges through. The pair grapple and Frank discovers he's going to need to fight dirty to kill the Russian - none of his punches even seem to hurt the Russian. Frank grabs a butterfly knife and jams it into the Russian's shoulder. No pain at all.

The Russian presses Frank against a shelf. The Russian tries to stab Frank with the knife. Frank wrestles to stop the blade, but slowly the Russian stabs Frank in the bicep, and unlike the Russian he does feel pain. Frank gets a box from the top shelf and whacks it over the Russian's head, freeing himself.

They continue to fight, with Frank trying to grab anything he can to get an advantage. Unfortunately, the Russian either takes them from Frank's reach or simply sneers at the futile attempts. Eventually, Frank is thrown into his bathroom. Frank grabs a grenade hidden in his sink and throws it at the Russian. The Russian bats it back inside. Frank dives into the bath and survives the following explosion (that's one strong bath). The Russian follows and throws Frank through a wall.

Did I mention that Frank's friends Joan, Dave and Bumpo are singing to an Italian Opera? Well they are. This is probably why they seem to ignore the large explosion next door. The pair barge back to where they started and Frank goes for a gun in a hidden drawer. The Russian crushes the gun with a weight and Frank can only stare at the bent gun before getting thrown through another wall into the hallway.

The fight breaks (literally) into where Joan, Dave and Bumpo are cooking and singing. The Russian presses Frank against a cooker but Frank releases himself by using his knees to push the Russian back. He quickly grabs a pan full of hot oil and throws it into the Russian's face. The grab bag works, and the Russian screams in agony as he is scalded. (Ouch!)

The Russian is certainly weakened by this last attack and Frank takes his chance to finish off the Russian. He spears him through a wooden stair-rail and they both fall down the stairs. Frank's friends check to see if Frank's OK. "I'm OK... He's not," Frank assures them, pointing at the Russian's dead body, before collapsing himself.