Written by Old Bluffer 5th Feb 2009
(this death is part of a series of three in close succession, so please read the first one, well, first)
And so, after two warmup deaths, we reach Irene's last few moments (what, you didn't expect her to survive did you? She's just been having dirty motel sex, so was always going to get killed!)
Naked as the day she was born, poor Irene is huddled under a cheap motel bed while a serial killer gazes at her behind his freakish miner's goggles.
He at first tries to pull her out by her legs, but her active sexlife has obviously toned her thighs, and she manages to kick him away for a moment.
You would think she couldn't possibly feel any more helpless, but you'd be wrong, as the miner changes tack, and tosses aside the mattress, leaving her with only a thin wire bedframe to protect her against the huge pickaxe.
He doesn't actually have the pickaxe in his hands at this point though, as it is still pinning the unfortunate dwarf to the ceiling. No problem though, he can wrench it free easily enough.
She struggles to her feet, and stands with her back against the wall, pathetically holding the bedframe in front of her.
This is completely useless as a defense against the pick, but does provide a nice effect when wearing the 3D glasses, as the bed forms a "cage" in the foreground, and we see the pickaxe hammer towards her, sliding through the gaps in the mesh.
She ducks and twists to avoid the first few blows, but doesn't ever stand a chance. Inevitably the pickaxe finds her torso, ending her ordeal.
I wasn't quite right that this is her last few moments in the film though, as she appears several times more. First we see her eviscerated body with the heart removed (this happens a bit in an attempt to justify the "Valentine" reference in the title).
We also see her bedroom antics again, when her childhood sweetheart the town sheriff perves over her sex tape at 2am (and gets caught by his wife).
Old Bluffer's Notes
This death gets rated probably higher than it deserves, mainly because the buildup was quite enjoyable, so it got a boost from the previous two deaths.
What can I say, full frontal nudity, a reasonably tense chase and a dwarf getting rocketed skywards by a pickaxe is always going to score well with me!