Written by Mr. Mouseburger 2nd Apr 2006

Kindly submitted by Gordon Shumway

After an hour and a half of thrilling kung fu death sequences, Johnny Cage (my favourite goody) squares up against Goro; the baddest animatronic dude in the film. After Goro has just destroyed an opponent mercilessly, he turns his attention to Johnny.

In an exhibition of his brutish power, Goro crushes Cages' sunglasses, but Cage retaliates by doing the splits and punching Goro’s love spuds, which, considering Goro is a four-armed Shokan prince, Johnny was lucky that Goro keeps them in the same place as the rest of us.

After writhing in pain for a bit (which is understandable), Goro chases Cage out to the cliff edge but Johnny has the last say in the fight and kicks Goro off the ledge all too easily. For some unexplained reason, Goro only tries to cling on to the ledge (and his life) with one of his four arms, when Cage quips heroically, "This is the part where you fall down". At this point the baddest villain in the original computer game (well, I never beat him) falls to his death and, in doing so, shows the audience that the film version of Goro is a chump. They dedicated far too much screen time to the fights and defeats of far weaker foes.