Written by Mr. Mouseburger 3rd Mar 2006
Kindly submitted by Alex
James Bond has just been uncovered as an enemy of drug lord Franz Sanchez (q.v.) by his crazed henchman, and best friend, Dario.
Sanchez, sends Bond down a large conveyor belt with the aim of seeing him ground into fine mince by the very effective rock crusher at the end. He is distracted from this entertainment when Bond sneakily suggests that his missiles are in the process of being stolen.
Sanchez decides to go and see if this is true, and in doing so, makes the classic mistake of all Bond megalomaniacs by leaving the conveyor belt running and assuming Bond will eventually lose his grip and be killed.
Dario is not so stupid though. Bond is dangling directly over the Rock crusher at this point, with only his rope tied around his hands keeping him from falling in. Dario stops the conveyor, moves over to Bond, and begins to cuts through the ropes tying Bond's hands.
Fortunately, Bond's latest bit of fluff, Pam Bouvier, comes to his rescue. Dario looks up and, surprised that she survived an earlier attack by him, laughsha ha ha! You're dead!. What Dario does not know though is that Pam has concealed a weapon upon her person, and pulling the gun out she says you took the words right out of my mouth and shoots Dario.
This does not kill the psychopath, but he does fall onto the conveyor belt. As Dario starts to laugh again, Bond grabs his boot and drags him into the grinder. He clings on to Bond for dear life, but all the while, the grinder is eating his legs, and he screams in utter agony before falling into the machine, which reduces him to the constituency of a hamburger.