Written by Old Bluffer 29th Jul 2007
Mercury is the deranged simpleton son of Papa Jupe. Nevertheless, he seems to be quite popular with the family. This is shown in the following charming scene, where Mars and Pluto arrive back home, carrying the baby they snatched from the Carter family.
"This here's tenderloin baby!" they exclaim gleefullly, and Mercury becomes terribly excited. "Might be I'll make a joke like las' time, 'n eat the tongue. Remember? Ev'ryone laughed?"
"We always laugh at you Mercury" his loving brothers assure him, quite sincerely, and then head off to deliver dinner to their father.
Mercury never gets to eat the baby's tongue though, as he is about to get killed by a dog.
The dog that does the deed is named "The Beast" and belongs to the Carter family. He is by far their most formidable weapon, despite the fact they've got guns. This is because he is supersmart and fully deserves his name. Earlier in the film we're told that he only ever barks as he makes a kill - although admittedly the Carters are talking about poodles rather than humans.
Anyway, as you'll have read from the previous writeups for this film, the Carters are in a bad way by this point in the film, and it's down to The Beast to even the score a bit. He kills Mercury with ease, simply by pushing him off the cliff.
Our doggy hero's real agenda though was to loot the oversized military radio that Mercury was holding, which he then picks up in his mouth and takes back to Bobby Carter. In theory this means his human owners can use the radio to gather vital intelligence about their enemies by eavesdropping, and then outwit them.
Young Bobby is a complete cretin though, and when Mars poses (very badly) as a military rescue leader, proceeds to tell him just how weak they are:
Mars (posing as a US soldier): "What are your defensive capabilities?"
Bobby : "Er, we have one handgun. ...But we only have two bullets left! What should we do?"
Mars : "Well, we advise that you stand on your heads..."
Bobby : "Stand on our heads, yes - then what?"
Mars : "...then, you should stick them up your arse! (much cackling laughter)"