Written by Mr. Mouseburger 6th Sep 2006

Kindly submitted by Danny Monbugle

Imagine a near future with a frenzied robot killing machine on the loose. I know, I know, you've seen it all before. But this is a robot killing machine with a difference - it's already killed what can only be described as a 'techno dwarf' and your pervy next door neighbour (whose other film role was as that porker pilot from Star Wars), and OH MY GOD IT'S IN YOUR HOUSE!

But never fear, a brief scuffle and near-intercourse-with-a-robot later, help arrives. In the form of Tony-bloody-Carpenter from EastEnders. But in Hardware, Oscar James plays 'Chief', a security guard tooled up with a shooter, and backed up by a chap looking a little like his on-screen Eastenders son, Kelvin.

The door flies open, guns blaze at the robot, and Tony Carpenter moves through the door. About half way. Why only half way? Because this gives the crazy robot killing machine the opportunity to override the building's electricity and slam the door shut on our hero, of course. Cue splitting in half, and blood spray aplenty. Rubbing salt into the wound (and it is a big wound), Tony Carpenter's gun goes off and his fellow security guard catches a bullet right between his peepers.

A brief yet memorable role for Tony Carpenter; what next? Arthur Fowler fending off mechanical piranhas?