Written by Mr. Mouseburger 30th Sep 2005

Kindly submitted by karl_eichholtz_13

Masterson comes to an untimely end following a moment of female weakness at the hands of Britain's favourite lothario, James Bond.

She is busy watching Goldfinger (q.v.) playing cards and by using her binoculars, she is helping Goldfinger cheat by telling him what cards his opponent has. Bond, reconnoitring, interrupts this and makes Goldfinger lose repeatedly to his opponent, by threatening to tell the state gaming commission of his cheating. Having lost heavily to his opponent, Goldfinger is furious.

One glimpse of Bond in Speedos is enough to make even the primmest of girls swoon, and so it is no surprise that the film cuts to a post-coital scene, where Bond is going to the fridge to get more champagne. Bond is caught completely off his guard with a sturdy blow to the neck by Oddjob (q.v.), Goldfinger's henchman.

When he regains consciousness, Bond notices Jill's naked body painted in gold, draped on the bed. I have listed this death as asphyxiation, as the most likely cause of death must be skin suffocation.