Written by Mr. Mouseburger 26th Jun 2007

Written by The Doctor


Louis is the low-level boss to mob enforcer Larry Gigli. Despite Gigli's history of screwups, Louis gives him the very important assignment of kidnapping Brian Dorf, the mentally-retarded brother of federal prosecutor James Dorf, who is investigating Louis' boss Starkman (a plan which rides off the rails of ludicrous and into the land of "f**king idiotic"). To make sure Gigli does the job correctly, lesbian New-Ager enforcer Ricki is sent to be his partner. However, the two compound the assignment by falling in love and developing feelings for their hostage, leading Larry to sneak into the city morgue and cut off the thumb of a corpse when Louis orders them to hack off Brian's thumb and send it to Dorf to show that they are not fucking around.

Unfortunately, and inevitably, this only makes things worse for Starkman. He soon calls Louis, Gigli, and Ricki for a meeting in his posh apartment. After a bit of padding dialogue on the puzzling question of whether or not the thumb can be techincally called a finger, he finds a gun in Louis' jacket. "Louis," Starkman says, "I've been subpeonaed. I can't be consorting with armed felons."

After chastising him some more, and going on a bit on how it is a person's ability to just not give a shit that makes them more intimadating than someone with a gun, he then asks "Louis, do you want to go to medical school?" An understandably puzzled Louis responds "Medical school?"

However, he doesn't wonder long as Starkman aims at his head with his own gun and pulls the trigger, killing Louis. A shocked Gigli and Ricki look on as Starkman responds "YEAH!!!! STUDENTS THERE COULD ALWAYS USE SOMETHING TO LEARN ON!" as the fish in the aquarium behind the corpse eat the pieces of Louis' brain that landed in the tank.