Written by Mr. Mouseburger 31st Mar 2006

Kindly submitted by Damien

After a long period of gruelling military training under the belligerent Gunnery Sergeant Hartman (q.v.), most of the recruits are ready for action. Private Pyle, however, is not. As the end of basic training draws near, the months of psychological and physical abuse, from both Hartman and the other recruits, have finally pushed him over the edge.

One night, as Private Joker is on guard duty, he notices the door to Hartman's private head is ajar, and decides to investigate. Inside, he finds Private Pyle sitting on a latrine, rifle loaded. Hartman is alerted to their presence and storms in, fuming mad.

Rather than calmly talking Pyle down and averting a crisis, Hartman continues to malign him, shouting, "What is your major malfunction, numbnuts? Didn't Mommy and Daddy show you enough attention when you were a child?" The outburst is Hartman's last, as Pyle fires into his chest, killing him instantly. Then, with the awe-struck Joker still looking on, Pyle falls back on the latrine, places the barrel in his own mouth, and splatters his brains on the wall behind him.