Written by Mr. Mouseburger 12th Mar 2007
Kindly submitted by Countess of Ole
It's the McKinley Tricentennial Fair, and Death is in the air. In fact it's killed off one person already and has tried to get Wendy's sister and her dead best friend's boyfriend, beating them up in the process. And now they're hanging onto her for dear life. Wendy's next up on Death's list and she knows it, but it's all good so long as Ian McKinley isn't around, because according to the prophetic pictures, he is supposed to be responsible for her death. So, for the moment she is safe. Or is she? As there he is lurking in the corner is Ian.
After some rather unpleasant, threatening and slightly harsh words between Wendy and Ian, during the course of which Ian is told to go away and he responds by threatening death to Wendy, Wendy somehow observes that thirty or so yards behind her, a cart full of fireworks has overbalanced and the fireworks are now aiming directly at the group of deathbound teenagers. Ian has no sooner finished tempting fate by saying "I'm not dying! I'm not dying!" when, predictably enough, the fireworks shoot off at the group. Wendy, having seen them coming, ducks. Ian, who did not (even though he was facing toward them), does not have time to duck. As Ian flails, the fireworks whizz by and harmlessly hit the base of a sign behind him.
This odd luck of not getting hit by any of the fireworks only reassures Ian's conviction that he's not going to die, and he presses his luck further, and just taunts Death. "You see? I'm not gonna die! It's you, Wendy! You're dead!"
But then comes an ominous creaking above and behind him, and he looks up. Ian quickly figures out that base of the sign that the fireworks had just "harmlessly" hit was seriously weakened by said fireworks and the sign starts to drop. He can only stand and stare up at it like a deer in headlights as it falls down on him and squashes him like a bug. Yet despite the extreme force of this blow, his entire head and most of the left half of his body survives mostly intact and splatters out from under the sign.