Written by Old Bluffer 25th Nov 2006

Williams is a jive talking, too cool for words, slickly dressed kung fu archetype. When defeat comes, in his own words, he won't even notice it, he'll be "too busy lookin' gooood!"


Williams does have a weakness - he is a man of exceptionally strong appetites. So, whereas most competitors in Han's island contest have been restraining themselves to just one "handmaiden", Williams has been entertaining the female population of entire villages in his bedroom every night.
This puts a huge grin on his face every morning, but must surely take toll on his fighting prowess...

On the final day of his life, Williams is summoned to Han's private study, and is accused of being the nocturnal ninja who has been causing havoc on the island.
(It is interesting to note that the culprit here is actually Lee, who has foresworn any bed pleasures in favour of killing Han's incompetent guards instead).
Williams is somewhat offended that his sexual exploits haven't been reported to Han.

"Williams: Mr Han, suddenly I wish to leave your island."
- It is not possible.
"Bullshit, Mr. Han-man!"

Even after numerous practical demonstrations showing that his guards cannot fight, Han still beckons them into the room to detain Williams.
Before beating these Useless Guards up, Williams delivers one of the greatest lines to a Movie Villain ever:

"Man, you come right out of a comic book!"

With sharp hair and sideburns like that, there is no way some scrawny light brown costumed guards are going to take Williams.

It comes as no surprise to anyone that these hired goons are bitch-slapped into unconciousness within scant heartbeats, and an infuriated Han is forced to challenge Williams himself.


Han deals with Williams in a heavy handed manner.

Williams, ever cocky, sneers "Bin practissin, Huh?!"

He then throws a forceful roundhouse kick, which Han blocks with his hand. Surprisingly, this causes our Afro-styled hero to wince in agony - evidently Han's hand is not what it seems!
The fight continues, with Williams undoubtedly getting the worst of it. During the fracas, a bird cage is smashed, and doves flutter in amongst the two fighters, causing even more confusion.

Williams is soon smashed into the adjoining room, which turns out to be an opium den, where the harlots he's been enjoying in the evenings spend their days.
He is literally beaten to death in front of them, not that they will remember, as they are clearly off their tits on smoke.
After turning Williams into pulp, Han pauses to remove his left glove, revealing a solid metal hand - no wonder he uses it to block with...


The beating from Han is bad enough, but the drugged up giggling of the skangers must be unbearable!

Williams' role in the film isn't entirely over after he is pummelled to death with prosthetic fingers. In a later scene, Roper is invited into his secret underground lair.

A moment must be taken to describe this lair, as it proves Williams was being damned perceptive with his "Comic book" jibe.

First of all, in order to get there, Han places his pet cat (white of course) onto a guillotine and prepares to pull the blade release rope. Roper risks both his hands by lifting Puss to safety, which amuses Han no end.
He then pulls the rope to reveal that it merely operates the lift to descend down into the lair.

Once inside, it is apparent that Han must have had it lovingly fitted out by professional Lair Makers, as it has loads of nice features. Gormless looking guards, check. Emaciated prisoners behind bars, check. Corpse strung up over pool ringed with rather odd spikes, no problem.
This corpse turns out to be Williams, and his presence there is to provide a grisly example to Roper about how Han deals with people who cross him.
Lesson over, the bloodied body is then for no apparent reason lowered into the pool of water.

Han's explanation for killing one of the competitors in his contest is typically dramatic:

"There were some questions I was forced to ask...
...I got no answers!"


These spikes serve no purpose other than to make the pool cleaner's job unnecessarily dangerous.