Written by Old Bluffer 23rd Jul 2007

In an essential piece of casting, Vincent Price plays a role that could easily have been an alter-ego of Dr Phibes (q.v.) in a strange, parallel movie universe.

Like Phibes, The Inventor is a brilliant, well, inventor. The pinnacle of his life's work is Edward, a living, self-aware automaton, with a child's innocence and potential. Together they live in a decaying yet grandiose gothic castle, and it seems poor Edward is being cobbled together slowly as he grows up. This isn't too bad, as perhaps it is difficult to secure suitable body parts, but, in an unforgiveably cruel display of engineering, the senile old git has made him endure years of living with scissors instead of hands. I mean, come on, fitting sharp scissors to a young child?! Surely melon-ballers, spaghetti twirlers or even pencils would offer safer utility appendages?! This, coupled with the lack of natural light, means that Edward grows into an anaemic looking goth, whose face is covered in scars from the scissors. [Ironically, his hair remains unshorn, and is backcombed into a ragged black mess of Robert Smith proportions.]

To be fair, the old duffer means well, and has promised Edward that this Christmas he will finally receive a proper pair of human hands. Like all dark fairy tale promises though, death claims the maker before it can be fulfilled. Edward therefore lives on his own, isolated, friendless, but uncorrupted.

Enter Peg Bloggs, a kindly, energy-filled woman nearing retirement age. Why does this perfectly normal lady venture into the fantastical castle that looms above her town? Well, she is the local Avon lady, and holds out a faint hope that she might make a sale. Thus, suburbia meets the world of the Brothers Grimm in a match made in cinema heaven.

Peg quickly takes Edward under her wing, as he is hopelessly ill-equipped to deal with modern life. Nevertheless, she tries her best to "normalise" him, even using her Avon cosmetics to try and disguise his facial scars.

From the outset, Edward is a major breath of fresh air in a small town desperate for novelty. He is soon drinking deep from the local culture, partaking in rituals such as Show and Tell, hairdressing and topiary. These last two prove to be successes, and before you can say "exploited freak" he is being asked to use his scissorhands to sculpt local hedges, hairstyles and pet fur into incongruously spectacular pieces of art. He even discovers the delights of being a 15 minute of fame media celebrity, as local news stations sniff new blood.

All of this is refreshingly diverting to Edward, but all he really cares about is Peg's sublime teenage daughter, Kim (Winona Ryder). The adult townspeople aren't all bad folk by any means, but they lack a certain magnificence of the soul. Kim however is young enough that the banality of modern life hasn't yet managed to suck this out from her. She is instantly drawn to Edward too, sensing perhaps that his otherworldly innocence is something to be treasured, as it can't possibly survive unscathed for long.

Sure enough, the cheerful days of summer soon pass, and as winter falls the fairy tale turns darker. For although the townspeople aren't all bad, they do have their share of lowlife, small-minded scum who will deny (but not destroy) this fledgling romance between two very different people...