Written by Old Bluffer 8th Jun 2009

Written by Mad Movie Mathew (with a few additions by Iorn Man)

Patches is a rather unorthodox coach who helps whip the lackluster "Average Joe's" team into shape with such advice as, "you're as useful as a c**k-flavoured lollipop!"

Once a multiple time ADAA (American Dodgeball Association of America) all-star, the years between then and now have not been kind of to stay the least - he's become a wheelchair-bound nutcase, with a soft-spot for hookers, a tendency to drink his own urine ("it's sterile and I like the taste") and a sack of wrenches for any poor sod who turns to him for dodgeball training.

This training focuses on the five rules of dodgeball: "Dodge, duck, dip, dive, and dodge." He shows how to do this by throwing wrenches at players and making them run through busy traffic. Fortunately, this pays off, as the Average Joe's team has done remarkably well in the all important Dodgeball tournament.They defeat the Flying Cougars during the semis, which leads them into the finals against Globo Gym's "Purple Cobras" and ever closer to the $50,000 prize that can save their gym.

"To be honest, folks, I never would have dreamed it possible," enthuses ESPN 8 commentator Cotton McKnight. "But with seven-time ADAA all-star Patches O'Houlihan at the helm, I guess it must be the luck of the Irish."

Cut directly to people assembling a sign for the "Luck of the Irish" bar in the middle of the casino.

Meanwhile, the Average Joe's walk underneath, led by Patches:

"Tomorrow, we're going to pecker-slap those Globo Gym bastards!"

Justin turns to Peter and asks, "Do you think we can really beat Globo Gym, Peter?"
Peter simply responds, "Well as long as we have Patches, we have a shot."

As soon as these words are uttered, the sign comes crashing down on Patches, crushing him and leaving the team minus a coach. The luck of the Irish indeed...