Written by Mr. Mouseburger 28th Nov 2005
Kindly submitted by A Concerned Citizen
After seeing McClane kick his buddy and mentor Major Grant into the maelstrom of a jet engine, combined the fact that McClane has buggered up his plans umpteen times, Colonel Stuart is extremely p***ed!
Colonel Stuart runs along the wing of a moving plane (as you do) towards McClane, brandishing a knife, before pinning McClane to the ground and attempting to stab him. McClane holds back Stuart’s knife, which is uncomfortably close to his face. After McClane screams in defiance, he bites Stuart's hand like a little girl. Stuart screams in pain, and falls off McClane, releasing his grip on the knife.
McClane gets up, only to face Colonel Stuart standing in some in some killer 'Bruce Lee-esque' stance. After beating the total and utter crap out of McClane with a series of fast and powerful kicks; all of which are performed on the wing of a plane, Colonel Stuart kicks McClane and trips him, sending him slipping to the edge of the wing.
From this position, McClane notices the emergency latch for dumping the fuel out of the plane. After yelling "Bon Voyage" to McClane, Stuart kicks him off the wing and sends our hero rolling down the snow-covered runway, to the sound of Stuart shouting, "Happy landings, asshole".
However, McClane's last act on the wing was to open the fuel hatch, and the petrol is now gushing out of the wing. Although the fuel is gushing out of the plane at a rate and magnitude that could rival Niagara Falls, Colonel Stuart fails to notice it and after removing McClane's coat from the wing flaps, he goes inside to join the other celebrating terrorists.
John McClane is lying on the runway, with a tired yet triumphant look. Pulling out a lighter, McClane says his trademark line:"Yippekayay, motherf***er!" and chucks the lighter onto the ground.
This ignites the line of fuel spilled from the wing, and the flames chase the terrorist's getaway plane. The terrorists are too busy celebrating to care or notice, and when the flames catch up to the engine, they are all incinerated by the great fireball that engulfs the plane, culminating in the plane exploding spectacularly!