Written by Old Bluffer 2nd Jun 2005

Thulsa "Tree of Woe" Doom is more bemused than concerned when Conan interrupts him as he is addressing his worshippers. He uses his mesmerising snake powers to freeze the stolid barbarian and proceeds to charm him with a monologue filled with soothing prose and compelling justification for any harm he has caused in the past.

We should take a moment to applaud the sheer balls of Thulsa Doom here. Because of him, Conan's parents were slain before his eyes, the rightful birthright of his father's sword stolen, and he spent "almost twenty years of pitiless cumber" as a slave and homeless barbarian.  Yet Doom basically tries to make out that Conan should be grateful to him!

"My child, you have come to me my son. For who now is your father if it is not me? I am the well spring, from which you flow. When I am gone, you will have never been. What would your world be, without me? My son."

Sadly, Conan has no grasp of such subtle debating skills and musters enough willpower to take his father's broken sword and use it to brutally hack the head from the Snake God. It is quite a nice decapitation too, with Conan opting for the seldom seen "V" shaped chop combo, which has the advantage that the head doesn't get lost as it parts ways from Mr. Neck. In this case the barbarian deftfully keeps hold of the head, so he can hurl it down the temple steps towards the shocked congregation.

What follows is surely the largest conversion to Atheism in cinema, as they all solemnly throw the torches that symbolise their faith into the water. Again, this goes way over Conan's head, he is too busy burning the temple down to worry about metaphysics.