Written by Old Bluffer 15th Apr 2006

Original writeup kindly submitted by Pyro

(please read Aslan's death before reading this writeup)

The White Witch is filled with triumph after executing Aslan, and immediately moves to regain her position as Narnia's sole superpower.
She does this by rallying her armies and attacking the ragtag group of rebels, led by the prepubescent Peter, son of Adam.

As it typical in these kinds of climactic battles betwixt Good and Evil, her forces seem to have an overwhelming advantage, and Jadis herself hacks a fair few innocent woodland creatures into chunks with her magic sword.

Tilda Swinton goes "Conan" on an unlucky griffon.

Unbeknownst to the White Witch though, Aslan has been reborn, and is presently heading towards the battlefield with a fresh army comprised of all the creatures she turned to stone over the years (he turns them back to life first of course, otherwise it would be a bit silly, unless he needed stone ammunition for some catapults that is).
[This is a good lesson for any young girls that hope to grow up to become an Evil Witch - if you enjoy turning your enemies to stone, resist the temptation to use the resulting statues to decorate your courtyards, and make sure you smash them into dust instead!]

Meanwhile, Peter's brother Edmund, an unlikeable snotty nosed urchin, spies her across the battlefield and rashly charges towards her. He somehow manages to shatter her magical wand but gets poked with a blade in a satisfyingly painful manner for his efforts.
Peter sees this happen and charges valiantly to avenge this violence, and there is a short exchange of swordplay, none of which is in any way convincing, mainly because Peter is obviously just a wee young kiddie, and it is completely unbelievable that his feeble slashes are in any way dangerous. However, Tilda Swinton looks hot swinging her blades around, so the scene isn't a total waste.
All too soon, Jadis has her blade at Peter's throat, and is about to execute the coup de grace when...


Jadis is interrupted whilst schooling a young teen in the finer arts of sword fighting.

...Aslan gives a Roar of Disapproval and savages her.
We don't actually see any blood from this killing, and it's unclear whether he actually eats her. I'm inclined to think he doesn't, as the kids don't seem especially freaked out and they're standing right in front of the carnage.

I've classed this death as Unsatisfying, mainly because upon the moment of her death all of her forces conveniently disappear in a blur of CGI. This type of deus ex machina device is always a cop out.


This is why Narnia Safari parks ask that for your own safety, you stay in your wagon.