Written by Mr. Mouseburger 7th Jan 2007
Kindly submitted by Mr Briggs Inc.
Carrie White, after ruining her senior prom with some of her patented telekinetic skills (if you consider ruining, killing everyone at the prom), walks home looking stunned. After quickly bathing to wash off the gallons of blood that was spilled on her, she begins to sob and is confronted by her psychotically religious mother, Margaret, who seemingly operates a tough love policy in this household.
However, we know other things are going on in between those temples! Scared, Carrie looks in the wrong place for love "It was bad, Momma." she whines, "They laughed at me. Momma, Hold me, Momma. Please hold me."
Margaret, is oblivious to her daughters plight and doesnt care what truly happened at that party, instead preferring to go on a heartfelt speech about the time her cherry was popped and Carrie was conceived.
"I should have given you to God when you were born but I was weak and backsliding and now, the devil has come home. Oh. We'll pray."
Carrie, still heartbroken, agrees and she moves closer to her mother as they start their prayer. Margaret takes out a knife and jabs it into her own daughter's back! Crying and screaming, Carrie rolls back down to the first floor, screaming, while her mother pursues her.
Just as Margaret is about to stab the knife into Carrie for the final blow, Carrie uses her telekinetic powers for a final time, lifting several pieces of silverware and firing them with the power of her mind into various places on Margaret's body, turning her mother into a modern day St. Sebastian [of which there is a nice statue in the background]! Suffice it to say, Carrie's mother is dead. Amen.