Written by Mr. Mouseburger 8th Apr 2006
Kindly submitted by Eno
Oswald Cobblepot, A.K.A. The Penguin has failed with his plans to kidnap and murder Gotham City's children in a pool of toxic waste in the sewers and to blow up the city with his army of kamikaze penguins who have rockets strapped to their backs.
He jumps into his robotic rubber-duckie car and drives through Gotham Central Park to reach Batman, who is driving around the sewers towards the Penguin's lair after successfully jamming the signal controlling the rocket-toting penguins. Seeing that the Penguin's location on his radar has changed, Batman veers off course to search for him.
While he fumes and drives through the snow, the Penguin's duck-mobile suddenly collides with Batman's jet as it flies out of the sewer, damaging it beyond repair. Batman exits his vehicle and looks for the Penguin, but held up when he is attacked by the villain who tries to strangle him with his umbrella.
"You're just jealous because I'm a genuine freak, and you have to wear a mask!"
"You might be right..."
Batman throws him off, but Penguin just sneers.
"But when it all comes down to it... who's holding the umbrella?!"
With that, a blade suddenly extends out of the top of the Penguin's umbrella. Before he can begin his attack though, Batman pulls out a controller and presses a button; the penguins armed with rockets suddenly coming over the nearby hill as the controller beeps in a countdown-style way. The Penguin then dashes forward and swings his lethal blade at Batman, who effortlessly dodges until it hits against the broken remains of the duck car, snapping the knife. This doesn't stop the Penguin though, who whacks the controller out of Batman's hand and grabs it.
Unfortunately, the button he presses activates the rockets, causing them to fly from the penguins' backs and bombard the surrounding area. The explosions are enough to alarm a flock of bats which fly out of the Bat-jet ironically mirroring the Penguin's earlier method of killing the Ice Princess. The Penguin steps too far back as the bats flutter around him, and he ends up falling through the skylight behind him and down into the pool of toxic waste in his lair.
Later, once Batman deals with Catwoman and Max Schreck soon after, the Penguin re-emerges from the waters. With what is either black blood or some kind of digusting residue from the toxic chemicals leaking from his mouth and every breath sounding like his lungs and throat have been torn to pieces, he advances to his umbrella stand. Batman does not notice him at first, but turns to see him just as he picks an umbrella from the stand; it being the toy umbrella he intended using to lure the children into the toxic pool.
"Sh**! I picked the cute one... The heats gettin' to me... I'll murder you momentarily... But first, I need a cool drink... of ice... water..."
The Penguin chokes and falls to the ground, finally succumbing to the poisoning from the waste. Two lines of penguins begin to march out behind a wall and approach his body, slowly pulling him down the slope he has fallen in front of and letting him float out into the water, his body disappearing into the depths as they watch almost remorsefully.