Written by Mr. Mouseburger 31st Oct 2007

Kindly submitted by Pyro

Wealthy Wall Street yuppie Patrick Bateman has had it up to here with Paul Allen's one-upsmanship. If having a significantly cooler apartment wasn't bad enough, the fact that Paul Allen has a significantly cooler business card (it's even watermarked!) and always gets reservations at the best restaurant is more then enough to trigger Bateman's murderous tendancies and decide Paul needs to die horribly.

Patrick brings Paul to dinner, getting him as drunk as possible to ensure Paul will be in the right state of mind for his impending death, and then brings him to his plush apartment, where he has already covered the furnature and floors with sheets and newspaper, but Paul's way too drunk to notice this right away, or at least be curious about it.

Bateman decides to liven things up, and asks Paul if he's familiar with Huey Lewis and the News, which Paul seems to not be. Taking advantage of Paul's drunken state, Bateman uses the distraction to lecture him about Lewis while he slides on a raincoat in preparation for the impending gore and returns to the kitchen with a shiny new axe in hand, keeping it hidden from Paul's view.

Paul finally notices the copies of the style section all over the floor, and jokingly asks Bateman if he's paper-training a dog, then notices Bateman's raincoat. Despite this, though, Paul still hasn't quite gotten the idea that his friend is up to something.

Bateman, in a rather cheerful state of mind at the moment, continues his lecture, switching on his stereo. "In '87, Huey released this, Fore, their most accomplished album. I think their undisputed masterpiece is 'Hip to be Square'..." he explains, shim-shaming back to the kitchen to fetch his axe.

"...A song so catchy, most people probably don't listen to the lyrics. But they SHOULD, because it's not just about the pleasures of conformity, and the importance of trends, it's also a personal statement about the band itself." he finishes, obviously indicating he feels the lyrics apply to his own views on life and himself in general, and provides his speech a grandoise conclusion by dashing at Paul from behind and slamming the axe into his head, getting blood all over his face. He finishes the job with several more swings, decapitating Paul's lifeless corpse while delivering a few priceless parting words as blood continues to splatter all over the place...

"TRY GETTING A RESERVATION AT DORSIA NOW YOU F**KING STUPID BASTARD! YOU! F**KING! BASTARD!"