Written by Mr. Mouseburger 20th Jan 2008

The might of the God-King Xerxes' Persian Army has been held at bay from stomping unchallenged through the hills of Greece by 300 Spartan warriors, led by King Leonidas, in what is widely regarded by military historians as the Battle of Thermopylae.

The Phalanx formation that the Spartans employ proves highly effective against the slaves and conscripts of the Persian army, but with the weight of numbers heavily on the Persian side, it is only a matter of time before the Persian Army wins.

With the help of snidey deformed toad, Ephialtes, Xerxes uses a secret path in the mountains to outflank Leonidas and all looks ill for Leonidas and his chums. As an act of great generosity, Xerxes meets Leonidas on the battle field, to congratulate his army's bravery and to offer him a deal; swear fealty to Xerxes and the remaining Spartans will be spared, even rewarded with gold and women (your standard bribery offer for the age).

Leonidas kneels, as if to swear allegiance, but this is only a ruse, as whilst kneeling, Leonidas picks up a javelin next to him and hurls it with all his might at Xerxes. The God-King is certainly surprised when the javelin whistles past his face, scarring his perfect cheek, and making good a prophecy Leonidas made earlier in the film, that before the end of this, even a God-King will bleed.

However, such ingratitude only has one response, and high on the cliffs, countless computer generated archers fire even more arrows at the Spartans, so many in fact that the sky is blacked out by them. Needless to say, once they have landed, Leonidas and his Spartans are dead.